Where am I and what day is it??

This is just a small update to let you all know I'm alive, just got back from a cross country road-trip which I am allowed to tell you nothing about! how do you like that?? It's supposed to be a private week of wandering, trusting God for money, food, direction, and community. It was probably one of the hardest stages for me thus far because I learned that I really DON'T trust God at all... He is being very faithful to teach me that. Got to do some incredible things along the way and I'm now back in Denver planning and dreaming for the future :) pray for me this week as I discover more about myself and where God wants to place me in His Kingdom.... more pictures to come!!
love you all.

Haiti and the Dominican Update!

In the Dominican Republic we worked at Caribbean Mountain Academy, a home/program for troubled youth that have been taken from their homes and placed in a compound (a beautiful one) for emotional, and mental healing. The program is amazing, and we got to just hang out, mentor and pour love into broken closed off teens. by the end of our stay there lives were given to Christ, and walls were brought down... SO BEAUTIFUL! I love each and every one of these kids, my heart breaks for them. This is our team with Annie, Nancy, Alec, Franklin, Kenzo, Aro, Nadia, Alexander, and Meski. 

In the Dominican we visited the village of Majaguita where we survived crossing an Indiana Jones style bridge, and played soccer with the kids. I told God that on this trip I would say YES to every opportunity great and small. I surfed rapids, jumped off of a cliff, rode a motorcycle through the crowded streets of Jarabacoa, witnessed in dark places, preached in church, snorkeling, serving in weakness, flipping upside down in a boat, eating whatever is put in front of me....

In Haiti we had a day devoid of grime and poverty where we worked on building a wall at a missionary retreat and then got to swim in the crystal waters of the Caribbean.... amazing. Destiny, one of the girls on my team, (in this picture) is from Hawaii and cried when she saw water.

One of the precious faces we met at Compassion International in Haiti. 

In Haiti we spent a few days in a town call Babaco. It was one of the highlights. So dirty and full of poverty, swarms of children desperate to be loved. It was pretty rough conditions, but absolutely worth it. 

View from our house in Haiti. A place of such contradiction. Grime and beauty all mixed up together. One night we could hear people gathered in a nearby house singing "count your many blessings" with hands raised. At the same moment there were voodoo drums beating somewhere else. 

Two boys in Babaco. The kids LOVED the camera. My hands were filthy from being held by so many dirty little ones and I had bruises on my hips from hold kids so much of the time.... never been happier. 

Sleeping arrangments in Babaco. We were pretty impressed by our mosquito net skills :) it was 115 Degrees here. 

And Then I Built An Alter...

"Your name is like honey on my lips

Your spirit like water to my soul"

This is nothing like I expected it to be. My thought was that I would come and be broken, my life wrecked for Christ. That every day would be a battle of change and that I would emerge this strong confident person who is on fire for God. Not an unworthy goal at all, but also not what God has in mind I think. He sort of did this in reversal. Instead He broke me before I even got here, I walked through the doors laid flat already. He told me this would happen... that He was going to use this as a time of rebuilding, and joy. That He was going to put a new song in my mouth if I traded in my sorrows. I was expectant of that as well, but I didn't realize what it would look like. I feel everything... you guys know that... wink. :) So the past few days have been full of emotion, but not in the way I expected. I have cried of course (because my name is Rachael still)  but the tears have been of either happiness, or surrender. Not pain! 

Yesterday we went into the middle of nowhere.... beautiful nowhere, and had a four hour "date with God." We could use it however we wanted, but it was just us, the whole time, delighting in God. I found myself sitting in the dirt under a tree as the sun set. There was this fluffy stuff, almost like the cotton off dandelions blowing and floating in the breeze, catching the sunlight. The mountains had this haze on them that was slightly purple, and there were no sounds except birds, and my own breathing. I found myself trying to cry, or have an emotion that I THOUGHT would validate my experience. Instead God said, "stop. Just stop trying so hard. Just be with me. Eat your dinner, sing, be still, listen, talk, walk, lie down. Just enjoy, enjoying me." And so I did. I ate carrots (possibly the most perfect carrots ever created) and sang and danced ( even when a shirtless hiker walked into my campsite) cried only a little, and talked about everything that I had been needing to process since I arrived. It was sweet. 

Then God said, "build me an alter." 

I did of course because when you are in the wilderness on a date with God... you do what He tells you. I sort of giggled out loud as I lugged the rocks into place that "this isn't gonna be a very pretty alter Father..." It actually turned out kinda perfect. I wrote everything down on pieces of paper that I had been holding in clenched fists, trying to control. I stuck them in the spaces of the alter and prayed an anointing of the Holy Spirit over it. When I got up and hoisted my backpack onto my shoulders I felt so much lighter than when I had come.
This is what I learned. Everything does NOT need to be huge for me right now. Sometimes it's the small victories that God uses, and in my case, it's just a better place for me to be. Emotion can be so beautiful, but so dangerous. I'm still a "feeler," but I'm going to choose to feel with truth.
This is just the tip of the giant iceberg God is sinking my Titanic with right now... but know that it is good, and He is good.
In all honesty, I'm exhausted. So pray for strength just emotionally, mentally, and physically. My days are SO FULL! Seriously, I have never conquered or covered so much ground in one day in my entire life!
Thank you for all of your prayers... I still stand in need of them.... a lot.

"You are so good, You never leave when I think you should. You are so kind, with all You see, You still give me life. I'll let you see me, I'll let you love me, I'll let you hold me until your done. I'll let you break me, I'll let you fix me, I'll let you save me until we're one."

What's goin on??

For all of you who wish to know... this is my exact schedule that I know of as of now. From the moment I arrive in Denver, till I hop on the plane home, here's the low down! :)

The Denver Stage:  May 19 – June 2This stage involves a series of classroom teaching at KBM’s Headquarters in Aurora, CO. During that time, you’ll begin a one-on-one relationship with a coach who will pray, help, encourage, and keep you accountable throughout the next year. You’ll be challenged by powerful messages from KBM speakers, equipped through practical skill workshops and individual sessions with a coach who loves you. And you’ll engage various ministry experiences that will help you to begin practicing a paradigm-shifting lifestyle of ministry.

The Dominican Stage:  June 3 – June 21In this stage, you will grow in your understanding of God’s heart for the nations as you experience multiple cultures in an international context. Locations may include the Dominican Republic, Haiti and Mexico. Classroom teaching will also be part of this stage, but cross-cultural ministry experiences will incorporate the majority of the learning environment.

The Deep Camp Stage:  June 22 – June 29In this stage, you will experience the value of investing your lives into others. You will continue to have the opportunity to learn from KBM’s speakers and staff as you serve as a camp counselor to a group of High School students at KBM’s Deep Camp held at YMCA's premier camp facility, Snow Mountain Ranch, in Winter Park, CO.

The Wander Stage:  June 30 – July 7This stage is uniquely designed to be a mystery. All we can tell you is that you will be “wandering” on the ultimate amazing race-style, multi-state road trip that will be filled with many ministry opportunities and learning experiences. It is designed to stretch your faith, keep you guessing, and help you see the world through a different set of eyes.

The Dreaming and Planning Stage:  July 8 – July 14The last seven days of the intensive training portion of the program is all about YOU! Back at KBM’s Headquarters in Aurora, CO, we will look at all the experiences you’ve had, all the lessons you have learned, all of the skills you’ve acquired and begin to dream and plan about how God will use you to reach your world for Christ. You will be inspired and encouraged by what you discover God wants to do through YOU! And at the end of the week, you’ll be holding a ministry and life plan that fits you like a glove.

The Ministry and Support Stage:  July 15, 2012 – May 18, 2013The entire program is focused on preparing you for the moment you return home on July 15th. Will you be prepared to live the life God created you for and engage a lifetime of God-glorifying, self-denying, real-world impacting ministry? In this stage, we’ll be meeting by phone on monthly conference calls as a team. How’s it going? How can we pray for one another, encourage one another and learn from what God is teaching us? Also, you will continue to be coached from a distance by your assigned coach. They’ll provide encouragement and accountability as you seek to live out the life and the plan God reveals for you.

Season Of Lasts

I am in it. The season of lasts. You know when you are getting ready to embark upon something you have waited a really long time for, something much anticipated, something that will change everything, and you enter that period of time where you start to realize... "this is the last time I will ever do this, THIS way."? The last time you will fill up the tank of your junky car with gas, the last time you will hug a particular person, the last time you will walk into a room and recall the history of that place... the voices and moments it holds, the last time you will sit on this couch and write a blog post about what is to come.
What IS to come?
All of these "lasts" leading up to the unknown is somewhat ironic... seems almost foolish, but I love that. If I knew what God has in store for me in this season of my life then all of the "lasts" would not be quite as mysterious...baited with promise, and hope.
Some of the 'lasts" are harder than others. Mostly just the ones involving people. I know that when I come home, everything will be different. I'm ok with that, more than ok! But that fact is there nevertheless. Life will not stop just because I'm not here. Others will have their own summers of epic proportions, or new relationships will be formed. They will laugh, and cry, and overcome without me. Some relationships I will not return to at all, or at least not in the same way it has been. I will change, and come home to a world of change in turn. At first this strikes a pang of fear in my heart... what if it's not the good kind of change? What if people don't like who I have become, or what if I don't fit here anymore when I return?
Those questions are totally NOT mine to ask. A wise friend said this to me yesterday... "don't let Satan fix your eyes fearfully on the future when God has so much he's doing right now that he wants you to pay attention to!" God has not given me a spirit of fear, He knows how I will change... and OF COURSE it will be good! It's change that is anointed by His hand! I have no reason to ask why or if... God fully capable. All I have to do if walk joyfully and expectantly into the waiting change. It will be good. I NEED change. I ASKED for change.
God has been telling me over and over recently that the place He is taking me is one of joy. He is finished with the season of mourning, and pain in my life. He is bringing restoration, and this is the time when He will rebuild what He has torn down. He is putting a new song in my mouth, and a new dance for my feet. "Follow the river out of the desert," He says. And I will. I'm laying down all of this for a new self. I'm leaving my baggage and bondage in the dust to discover the love of God like I never have before. The joy of the Lord will be my strength.
" You, who have shown me great and severe troubles, will revive me again, and bring me up from the depths of the earth. You shall increase my greatness and comfort me on every side." (Psa 71:20)
"Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river..." (Isaiah 66:12)
" I will go in the strength of the Lord God, I will make mention of Your righteousness, of Yours only." (Psa 71:16)

So here we go... I leave in the wee hours of the morning on Saturday the 19th. Please pray for safe travels, but most of all, pray for my swimming mind and emotions, that God would set my feet on solid, hopeful ground.
So the last thing I will say in this season of lasts is this....
"Here is comes.... The Beautiful Collision.... it's happening now."

It's Official!

Friends.... I am fully funded!
As of yesterday afternoon I am covered for tuition, flight, and loan payments while I am gone... not without the generosity of you all, THANK YOU!

I have a few prayer requests as I near departure...
1. Please pray that God would set the truth before my eyes, that I would hear His voice and follow.

2. Pray for the knitting together of my teams hearts to one another as we meet for the first time.

3. Pray that my identity would remain in Christ, not matter how I feel, who I am with, or where I'm at.

 Thank you for your prayers, so excited to share more with you all, LOVE!

So Close!

Alright, the updates begin! We are two weeks out and the excitement is building!
I am off the ground starting May 19th.
The journey up until this point has been a little rough, I will admit, but that doesn't mean it hasn't been good. For awhile it felt pretty quiet... very little progress on my support raising, and it didn't even feel like this trip was a reality. The quiet spread to my heart and mind where I just kicked back for awhile, not really listening to what God was speaking in my ear, and not really caring to be honest. God, in his perfect wisdom, decided that it was time to wreck me. He changed some really huge things in my life, leaving me with only Him, all the time. This was right were I needed to be all along, desperate, lonely, and in the presence of perfect love. God gave me what only He could at that point, love and character that was NOT HUMAN. Not broken, not selfish. Oh my goodness am I thankful that He is not flawed in the way he leads us. Once He got my attention, things went from quiet to very, very loud. I felt a little like I was walking out of a thick fog, and now that I stand in the clearing, I realize the brilliance of what God has for me, and who I am made to be. I also realized that I had a missions trip to pack for!

I dove into support raising with a yard sale a few weeks ago. Lots of gathering and foraging, as well as donations from friends led to a garage full of wonderful "junk." I also painted this huge banner (and part of myself) to hang on the front of the house. I woke up the morning of to rain and cold. Actually, it wasn't really rain... it was mist from the deep, and it hung everywhere as if to say... "what yard sale?" I pulled up my bootstraps, made coffee, and began to pray over every dish I set out. With the help of my family (what are sibling's little hands for if not to be put to work?) and dear friends, everything was set up in the garage, music on and lamps set about to make you feel like the day wasn't as bad as you thought it was. I prayed about it and decided to do everything as donation only... for me, putting a price tag on something was trying to control the outcome.
I'm so glad I did it that way too, cause guess what happened? God showed up.
I made $1000 just from that yard sale! Amazing.
Since then I have prayed a blessing over every morning, and the support has dropped into my lap in unexpected moments that never cease to make me squeal with excitement... which now that I think about it, isn't much of a feat. :) I have another fundraiser this weekend, as well as saving some most of my own money.... we are so close! As in.... $600 close!
Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me and over me. God moves at the sound of our voices.

Today I went and bought a few things I needed for my trip... like toothpaste and Advil... nothing big, but I may or may not have been skipping around the store in excitement.... it made everything feel so close! At the risk of sounding like a downer, I will say that the past couple of months have not been all skipping around the store kind of months. God is still calling me to let go, and give over. The process has been so painful, but not without hope. There is a song that I have been listening to recently that says "Come as close as you want, consume this heart that longs to burn, I know your fire can hurt, but I would be worse here without you. For I was made to dwell with You, and how I ache until I do." Those words pretty much sum it up, the pain is there... I'm not really being asked to pretend like I'm fine, rather, the pain is a reminder that I will never be fully satisfied until I am with my Lord, living in that place of sacrifice where I belong. If you would pray with me, that my heart would be continually turned towards Him, that would be such a blessing. Thank you.

These posts will come more often as the action unfolds, so be on the lookout. I'm also bringing my camera... and you know what that means. yes. copious amounts of pictures. be prepared.

So excited to share this journey with you all! Thank you again for your support, it is much needed!